Don't Forget Your Soul Brothers in Council
We are completing our second month of the Soul Brothers program. Some reflections from our brothers concern a sense of sorrow when the brother they are paired with becomes unresponsive. We live in a world that demands us to work when life demands us to live. I know how easy it is to see Illuman or other aspects of outreach and connection as “another thing to do.” But I have to remind myself, it is only by reaching out to others and nurturing loving connections that I’m able to do anything. So let love be essential to living.
“If you don’t have time to meditate for five minutes, you should meditate for an hour.”
I think back to when I proposed this idea to Brian and Chuck and how I wanted the bonds created from our Mary Oliver writing retreat to stay strong during the long days between councils. I am not a man who easily trusts other men, and I truly know the sorrow that comes from the unreciprocated bravery and vulnerability extended to connect with another man. I never want Illuman to be a source of broken bonds that can exacerbate the pandemic of loneliness that plagues most men in America. So, I have some ideas.
First, I want to share the wonderful experience I had with my Soul Brother, Steve D. Incidentally, we both work, or worked, in higher education. Steve worked in Human Resources whereas I work in student retention. But it was Steve sharing about how the AIDS crisis impacted how many Human Resource departments in many industries had to operate. Luckily, many compassionate souls existed to still find support for those diagnosed with HIV and AIDS in order to prevent termination or loss of health benefits. It was so surprising to hear about a significant period of queer history from a cis-gendered heterosexual man. As a gay man, many elders within the queer community died, taking with them the rich history, political strength, and wonderful artistic expression passed down to them. My generation and those that follow are often consuming a commercialized view of queerness, often absent of any history. While the AIDS Crisis is known by name to many, so much of the lived testimony is lost to us, causing many to question the fears and triggers many experienced when the coronavirus and Monkey Pox virus were released. Never had I considered that so many queer allies are still with us today to share the stories and lives of the loved ones they lost. This is the magic of groups like Illuman, to bring together men from different generations and walks of life so that they can learn from and love one another and the communities they are a part of.
I’m reminded of an article and new stories from years ago about a local public library allowing patrons to check out a human, not just books. Individuals would come to the library and sit, ready to be “checked out” where they would share their stories and wisdom.
I wonder what a fireside council would look like as one month three or four members sat ready for their brothers to join them in separate corners to begin telling stories from their life, like the original tradition of firesides? Each month, new men sit ready for their brothers to circle around them. None of us can exhaust all the stories that make up our lives, so the tradition would be endless and rich with diversity.
So now I want to challenge all local chapters and fireside councils to help bring these rich exchanges into their circles of men. While the Rites of Passage and Awaken deepen both our personal and collective spirituality, let us take every opportunity to bear witness to another man sharing his lived testimony, maybe for the first time in his life, as he holds space for us to share ours. Soul Brothers will continue to be an opportunity for men to connect with those outside their councils, and let us never seek to replace the roots within our circles and instead tap into the wild history that branches from those men.
Prompts for Reflection
How would you like fireside councils to be structured so that you hear the richness of another man’s lived testimony, whether he is an old friend or new?
What are ways you can engage with your local fireside brothers outside of schedule councils so that you build bonds of friendship and create shared memories?
When times get tough and busy, how can you remind yourself that activating the strong bonds of friendship is not “another thing to do” but an essential thing to do to make everything else manageable?
About the Author: Michael Key (he/they) lives in Dayton, OH and has worked in higher education for over 18 years. He is still relatively new to Illuman, only having about two years worth of time in the organization. Michael is originally from north Georgia, in the Appalachian mountains. He has lived in Ohio since 2013, beginning his sobriety in 2018, and now living with his to cuddly cats.
