THE MASCULINE PATH TO HEALING: Soularize 2020
Growing to adulthood, I accepted values that shaped my image of myself. With my two brothers and two sisters, I learned standard prayers, studying hard, working together, playing fair and being generous. That all seemed ordinary and natural, and I was happy and satisfied to act like that and be affirmed and counted on by others as being like that. As I experienced problems and challenges I wasn’t prepared to handle, however, that picture became less accurate in reality; but my image of myself so feared rejection, judgment and isolation that I couldn’t acknowledge my failings and sins to myself, much less confess them in any venue. No experience I had ever had, with any individual or any group, had ever encouraged me to trust anyone else with those bad aspects of myself.
When my failings and sins came to light anyway, I lost employment, income, residence, prestige, professional status and a network of relationships—all those things in which I had misplaced trust. I felt ashamed! I isolated from any contact that might have helped me face the truth, worked long hours at a new job and, for the first time ever, began to doubt even God possibly loving me. While searching for that new job and income, I happened to discover an employment counselor who was a casual acquaintance of my past. He encouraged me to join a professional support group of similar seekers, and later invited me to attend, as he did, a monthly Illuman gathering. It was with these men that I found in actuality a masculinity I had only dreamed was possible and good, but I had never experienced. I found an intimacy that was not via sexual acting out, an honesty that accepted responsibility without scapegoating or need to boast, an expression of vulnerability that was not victimhood, and a community willing to take the journey of interior growth engaging mutual support with other men.
I was attracted to Soularize 2020 by this ongoing experience of healing and by my re-introduction along the way to the vision and formative work of Richard Rohr, the inspiration for what has become Illuman. As a virtual experience this year, it was far less expensive than usual and actually registered 550 men, far more than could usually be accommodated. For years, Rohr has worked to re-introduce to Western spirituality the practices of contemplation, various ways of breaking away from the usual hectic pace and focus on accomplishment for the sake of allowing the stillness to help us rest in the presence and assurance of a Higher Reality or Power or God. On our three mornings of retreat, I began each day’s together time sitting silently with other men, my eyes closed, my mind calm, my heart opening and receptive. Through years of taking this time regularly, I am thankful for how much this time has lessened my fears and worry, broken through my need to intellectualize every response, and brought me to rejoice in my awareness and sharing of feelings. Engaging topics of vulnerability, with a large group of unfamiliar men, on a new platform, using my new computer, would formerly not have been at all attractive. As it was this time, our silent thirty minutes energized me and made me eager.
After this, a short session reminded us of the previous day’s focal point for healing and, with a “prompt” to guide us, sent us outside for an hour’s “nature wander” in our own neighborhood. For all of us, I’m sure, this was far different terrain and timing than the prolonged period usually spent in the “wilderness” of New Mexico. I took the prompts seriously, proceeding slowly, stopping frequently, looking closely, listening for sounds usually not noticed and, most unfamiliarly, “conversing” with the “non-human” resident species of a small nearby nature park, a trash-strewn section on the opposite side of the street from where I usually walk, and through the “backyard” area, bound by garages on one side and the neighboring street’s backyard trees on the other, in the extended block of condo developments where I live (but had never before walked). I was not concerned about “doing it right” or “making a good report,” as I have often been. Instead, I wanted to stretch my comfort zone, truly explore a new place in a new way, and be playful. One of my responses was to write several poems.
Council Circles of eight or nine men followed our nature wander, giving us freedom, if we chose, to share something of our experience in and with nature, including how we might have found it relating to one of the focal points for healing. I didn’t know anyone in my group previously; but my experience in Council Circles encouraged my complete confidence and sense of ease in sharing my experience. What a joy, to experience such affirmation and acceptance! What a rich learning experience, to find such varied responses to the same simple directions and prompts. Relative to our need to be healed ourselves and to promote healing in our world, it was not difficult to see evidence in our own natural surroundings of the destructive effects of unchecked patriarchal power, lack of thoughtful care for areas hurt by racist exclusionary practices or laws and, in our dialogue with nature, to sense the deep hurt of our home planet’s ecological distress. I found it encouraging to realize that more than a few Illuman individuals and groups are actively engaged in addressing these issues, through information and thoughtful, organized action.
We were resourced and mentored in many ways throughout our Thursday night through Sunday afternoon time frame. Available throughout for viewing were videos introducing Illuman procedures, regional Councils and past years of Soularize. That list, constantly expanded and easily available, will soon include our 2020 experience. Available for sale at discount were Illuman shirts, hoodies, caps and mugs. The online “chat” feature of our platform constantly shared individual book resources, as well as greetings, re-connections with friends, and appreciative comments from men both experienced and new to Illuman. Most powerful of all in impact were the live sessions, mostly plenary. For three 90-minute sessions, three different Illuman leaders “interviewed” and interacted with Richard Rohr, drawing out his own experiential reflections on the three focus areas masculine healing was addressing. Those same leaders also addressed those same topics in shorter sessions each day. Unique to the sharing aspect this year was the opportunity to “listen in” to the heartfelt sharing of personal experience of women addressing at their own meeting for us men “The Divine Feminine and Patriarchy.” As that meeting progressed and as interaction followed briefly at the end, I felt and saw more mutual tears and expressions of thanks for the listening and shared time than at any other point of the weekend!
I am thankful that I participated in Soularize 2020 with all these other men and women. The challenging journey of healing continues for us all. It’s easier to be aware, accepting of vulnerability, honest in sharing and committed to stretching beyond past comfort zones when I’m a regular member of a supportive group of men with these same operative behaviors. May we continue to bless other men in this way
🙏 Blessings,
Member, Ohio Illuman
